Hash Trash: Half Bandits XV and XVI

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Hash Trash: Half Bandits XV and XVI

Postby On the Rag » Mon Jan 20, 2020 3:33 pm

The XVII Most Important Things about Half-Bandit XV and Half-Bandit XVI:
I: WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. Face it, we’re all heading for the same END. And although the START/END for these Half-Bandits was chosen purely for ease of access, Starting and Ending at a Cemetery does underline the Destination.
II: SINCE LIFE IS SHORT we should spend it vigorously and enjoyably and let me proclaim that IT IS GLORIUS TO DRINK AND R#N IN THE MORNING.
III: And GLORIOUS ACTIVITIES (unlike STDs) SHOULD BE SHARED WITH LOVERS AND FRIENDS. In a steamy XVth iteration of the Half-B, Sunday 17 March 2019, BanditFFs included over-the-road crewe AmberBait, DribblesB4Shoots, DoubleSuck and Half-OTR; Beer Stop Bandit Hosts featured Dipstick’s Porch, BodyGlide, Big Bore, DrPP, SwampGuinea and WillUSuk; HashR@cists included Black Mail and GirlFilterFish; civilian r@cists were numerous, taunted, beered, highly aroused.
IV: BANDIT COMRADES in the XVIth iteration of the Half-B, Thanksgiving, 28 November 2019, arrived en masse including BigBore, AmberBait, DribsB4, OTR and the first-time trio of SlimPrickins, FreeCumLoader and DebbieDoesDigits! SEVEN EN ROUTE BANDITS!!! Plus, Grok this Line-Up of Beer Stop Hosts for the Ages: Bore/PP; AfterBirth, Bubette, Little Willie, YoYo and Shrimp; BustedCherry doing a Dylan-at-Newport, going from Leather Lung to ELECTRIC; wind it all up at a naked hot tub END with MrsRobinson, JessLix and Just Dave. Epic!
V: Much in the way that LIFE IS A LOSING GAME… BUT CAN BE PLAYED GALLANTLY, the HALF-BANDIT IS A SERIES OF STRATETGIC RETREATS. When OTR’s advanced decrepitude ruled out a full marathong, and yet he was ALSO TOO LAZY to schlepp out to Chamblee Marta, the Half-Bandit was born (11/27/2008). If Fullie represents an A-to-M-to-A, the Half-Bandit finds the way to go B-to-G-to-walking-distance to A. Plus beer. All down-hill from there, and by juicing and sluicing and skinny-dipping these semi-annual Rivers O’ Humans over a decade we have created, friends: The ½ Bandit: a Glorious Six or Seven Miles, with beer.
VI: SO THEN, HALF-BANDIT XV, 3-17-2019, DISPLAYED NOVELTY AND CHARM as we changed the course a bit, now STARTING in R@cist Mile 9 from DipStick’s Porch, which proved a brilliant and sexy gather point which let Bandits arrive 8ish, this morning a lovely high-40s and rising. BodyGlide served a tray of Viggra-Tinis and sent the Bandits ON-OUT thru Piedmont Park -- where love whispers from the very bushes -- short cutting commenced. Wantonly and Thoroughly Orgasmed, Bandits rejoined the R@cists down Jupiter, conducted an ambulatory BS#2 thru Tech Square, leading to BS#3 at BigBore/PP. TANTALIZED beyond their wildest fantasies, R@cists were now BEGGING for PBRs in their Mile 12. In previous Spring Bandits BB/PP’s was our HAPPY END, but… who saw this one coming? Damned if the Half-B doesn’t PULL ON-OUT and start ½ BANDITING the Full-A-Thon!!! Again!! Not since HB#3 have we Bandited the Full!!! The Civilians and R@CE Authorities don’t know whether to Spit or Go Blind! [In previous H-B Trash we’ve noted how craptastic was the Publix/GAMarathon r@ce course, but get this, the LOUSY SADISTS OF THE ATC have made it WORSE! Instead of r#nning choc-a-bloc with the Halfsies for 7 miles then scuttling off to Decayder, now the Miserable Fullies -- some of whom have paid $140!! – r#n the whole first 13 with the Halfsies, before embarking a Perfectly Charmless set of Loops around the Near West, Near South and Grant Park hoodies. R@ce docs show FIFTY TURNS, 1100 feet of UP, 1150 feet of DOWN -- plus SIDEWALKS!! -- in the Final 13. You cannot tell me but that ATLANTA TRACK CLUB HATES R#NNERS. Thankfully, WE IZ HASHERS.] Executing our Bandit Plot, a Louche -Lazy-Down-Hill Saunter, we counter-flow the r@ce along Mayretta/Decayder toward GSU and were greeting FINISH-bound Fullie FRBs within minutes! Boy-oh were they confused! A last brilliant short-cut delivered Bandits to BS#4 on a grassy knoll near a highway onramp in R@cist Mile 24 (Bandit 6), where a smoking and highly sensual breakfast grill was hosted by SwampGuinea and LONERGAN. Many R@cists were beered, and a lovelier, sunnier, friendlier END could not be found (port-a-potties could have been closer). Dag but we had fun! HGZ – KZZ- Centri-FORCE! The Half-Buick delivered Bandits safely back to Dips. Best.ever.no.doubts.
VII: AND YET, HALF-BANDIT XVI, 11-28-2019, ACHIEVING THE NEAR-IMPOSSIBLE was better.even.period. How could this be possible, you ask reasonably? Because we HASH-SOLVED several Important Questions including DEATH, whether or not 5k r@cists can be lured to the Half-Bandit (they can’t), and what is the best marketing pitch to potential r@ce defectors (TBD). In the event, XVI was Lovely and Bandit-worthy, a crisp high-30s with a bit of breeze. Big Bore R@ce Rekkyied wrong-way from his loft/BS#2, joining Half-Bandits at the Cemetery, who subsequently joined R@cists at the GoldDome. Bandits jumped in early and reached BS#2 in under 20 minutes r@ce time, though we quickly gave most of that back quaffing beers and visiting the bushes. Dr.PP suggested next year we de-emphasize beering the r@cists in Mile 2 and focus instead on SUBVERSION, delivering our bestest short-cut recruitment pitch in the half-mile leading up to: the North Av Shortie which vaulted our Plucky Bandits back up among the FRB/7:00 milers at the Former IHOP BS#3. Available photo evidence displays hilarity, confusion, beer. And yet, Dread, Guilt and Blame-Concern soon follow as somewheres between BS#3 and BS#4 we mis-place DebbieDoes. Most Bandits discover BustedCherry caterwauling thru a megaphone under the Connector: Debbie-Does-Not. It takes Bandits a couple beers to register the absence: OTR cycles into Guilt and Self-Reproach at his Bandit MisManagment; DribsB4 counters with Chill and Responsibility in that Deb is a Big Hasher, heck, she took Marta to the STARTA! Regardless, we agree to haul ass to Mile 11 so that Bandits can retrieve Deb, which we do amid Great Rejoicing. Together Again at our START and our END, ATCarrie Nation fails to appear, but END hosts MrsR, JessLix and Dave have carved out 100 square feet of private property (real estate!) just in case, from which many R@cists are Beered. Bandits hung out until the crash truck and cone retrievalists slowly pass, and then – paging Mr. Lewis Bunwell, Mr. Bunwell please pick-up any white courtesy phone -- Bandits feel… they… can’t… quite… leave… and decide to take a stroll thru Oakland Cemetery, and then another stroll with only slight variation, bringing us again to… DEATH.
VIII: So then, What’s Next? What is Beyond the Vale? WHERE IS THAT GREAT ON-AFTER? Freak if We Know Man, we’re just Half-Bandits, but we do have some ideas for More Glory and Sexiness in Your Life Remaining: Sunday (3x!) March 1, 2020, brings Half-Bandit XVII, starting 8am-ish, from DipStick’s Porch, deets to follow. (This will be the morning after Great Southern Leap Year, one-heck of a weekend!) Furthermore, Saturday, 7-4-2020, returns the Peachtree Pub Crawl, the Mother-Bandit of All R@ce Parasitism. Then, if we all survive 11-3-2020, we’ll all look forward to Thanksgiving Half Bandit XVIII, 11-26-2020. Put ’em in your Calendar now: REASONS TO LIVE.
IX: HALF-OTR, DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER IDEAS YOU’D LIKE TO LUMP INTO THE MIX? I do, thanks for asking! Everyone knows the Beer Mile, right? Drink a beer, r#n a quarter mile, repeat 3x. Half-OTR proposes: The Beer 5K. Now, we’re NOT shorting a 5k, and we’re NOT saying r#n a 5k then drink beer (tho nothing wrong with those). Think instead: Evening, Summerish, Big Commercial R@ce (Kennesaw 7/18/20?). 5k Bandits BYO 4 beers, to carry. Let 5 minutes – or- ALL r@cists pass START, drink 1 full beer, Bandits out. Then at each MILE marker, must drink full beer before continuing. Add Arbitrary Rules like “no one drinks alone,” or “must wait for next-behind-you Bandit” or “sing a Hash Song before crossing Finish.” Etc. Three Miles, 4 Beers, Much Fun. Who's in?
X: Need EVEN MORE EVIDENCE THAT THE HALF-BANDIT LOVES YOU? We’re done! The Trash Bandit threatens XVII Important Things, delivers iiX the Fun, iiX the Sexiness, iiX the DEATH, all in i/ii the Trash! On-Freaking-On!!
On the Rag
 
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