STATE OF GEORGIA, :
v. : TRAIL NO. 22
MOTION FOR HASH TRASH
CUMS NOW, KY Confucktor, Counsel for the Defendants, Rumblin' Roman Hash House Harriers, hereinafter R2H3 and pleads the herein Motion for Hash Trash for the 22nd running of the Rumblin Roman Hash House Harriers.
R2H3 stands charged with violation of O.C.G.A. 16-7-21 - Criminal Trespass by encroaching upon the property of Billy Bobs Shell Mart and Commuter Lot, wherein Defendant walked across said victim's parking lot where it is known and posted that persons are not permitted to walk, except that all persons are allowed to walk and park.
R2H3 stands further charged with violation of O.C.G.A. 16-69-69 - Wearing TuTu's in Public wherein it is known that the county of Floyd, State of Georgia is a backward place and persons must conform to public norms or the law will be called, save for the vestiges and curtilage of Mellow Mushroom.
R2HS stands finally charged with violation of O.C.G.A. 16-4-1 - RICO wherein defendants participated in an ongoing criminal enterprise, exchange funds for tasty suds and trails and on multiple occasions violating O.C.G.A. 16-7-21.
In defense of said charges, Counsel for Defendants pleads as follows:
It was a balmy 51 degrees and defendants were instructed by a website owned by one Mark Zuckerberg (hereinafter "Zuck") to meet on the lot of Billy Bob's Shell Station and Commuter Lot wearing elastic bands laced with tule (hereinafter "TuTu's").
Defendants were led by Co-Hares Thumb-In-It (see associated indictment for Sodomy) and Hugh Heifer (see associated indictment for Beastiality)
Defendants engaged in jovial song and dance accompanied by numerous virgin's and first timers.
After waiting at least 7 minutes the pack left out after said Co-Hares
Co-Hares trail led across Billy Bobs land and parking lot, where people clearly are not supposed to walk (see No Shit, No Shit, No Service)
Said trail quickly devolved into a series of briarpatches wherein the pack found numerous incidences of trail DNA in the form of pink tule.
Said trail led back near Billy Bobs Shell Mart and Commuter Lot and under 411 wherein the pack blew whistles near a burial, were again enveloped in briars, and left further trail DNA in the form of blood.
Said trail crossed paths with a Big Green Tractor and again led into a briarpatch and under the Rome Bypass.
The Pack was stopped by law enforcement officers who were called by one Manager of Billy Bobs and delayed a portion of the pack, who tried to short cut and not use the hares tunnel with a Stop-&-Frisk, all enjoyed the Frisk, none enjoyed the Stop.
The Hares drastically underestimated the pack's thirst for tasty suds and supplied a deficient beer stop
Said trail ran alongside the Rome Bypass and over a river and through the woods to grandmothers......er..... to the YMCA soccer fields.
Said trail ended at a summer camp (See this one time at band camp) with beer and orange food.
Numerous songs were sung, down downs were had and the long arm of the law was levied.
As per usual Boner-To-Go (see associated indictment for Statutory Rape) was FRB, CBT (see associated indictment for violating the do not comment on trail until sufficient tasty suds are consumed) was FBI. DFL was given to Cooter-Hog (see associated indictment for Bootlegging) as well as numerous down-downs for not properly instructing his virgins NFNs Steve, Sherry, and Rebecca.
My personal award for best virgin, wait, virgin with best legs, goes to NFN Chris, but thats only because NFN Shadian is not longer a virgin.
First timers who had ran somewhere in Florida probably around 2011 were NFN Melja, Kevin and Melanie.
It was a pleasure to see NFN Kip, who i would say is related to Kawasuckme, but that has burned me in the past so I will refrain.
Usual suspects not mentioned above included:
Leaky Conch, who somehow forgot the only song he knows, but won an award for best outfit (and headgear),
Aunt G, who lost her red bag, but was on trail, not sick, and not in obvious pain, and wins the award for keeping the camp beer can and butt free.
Cum-On-Down and Love Bug 69 who always have the best songs that I can never seem to remember, might have some thing to do with the Alcohol.
Juicy Coot - who like me patroned Party City in advance of said trail and was BIMBO to boot.
Our Fearless leader Cream-Me-Up which departed from protocol and trimmed his beard, led the pack to the beer stop and by far has the best truck (built ford tough)
On After was at Mellow, beer and laughs were had by all who attended.
Next Trail is Co-Hared by ILickandFeltHer and Boner-To-Go and as Boner tells will start somewhere and end somewhere, the second saturday in March (wherein I will turn 32 and might be slightly intoxicated)
In related knews I need a Co-Hare for April.
On-On till March.
- Life's hard - it's harder when you're stupid.