Cums now KY Confucktor, attorney for the pack, who pleads the following Trash for Seventh running of the Rumblin' Roman Hash House Harriers.
The Pack met on a beautiful fall day in Cartersville at the Lowes (what, do they not have elementary schools in Bartow County that we can start from?) Close proximity to the Interstate meant hounds from North and South arrived as well as the standard pack. Swamp Guinea(FRB), Bunny Tuna(FBI), Robin Red Breast, Boygina, Davie Crotchet, and ChooChoo all showed up from Atlanta, and TED came down from the Noog. NFN Scotty aka "I can't hear you over my diesel engine" showed up in new shoes again (when is he gonna learn and why did he by 5 pairs of the same shoe?) Bella was still rocking the Zebra swag from last trail, and should be allowed to wear whatever he wants now that he is the Iceman (Bella, you can be my wingman any day!)
CBT being very racist showed up from Columbus after 13.1 miles of fun sporting dogtags and Bimboed with Just Joleen (You could have your choice of men, But I could never love again, He's the only one for me, Joleen.)
The trail was to be 5ish miles by my calculation, but I went to law school because I could not do math, let that be a lesson to you all.
Virgin lay by me, along with Hugh Heifer. I lost my virginity along with my iphone (thanks for the assist TED), Hugh lost his glasses, again. If anyone had bothered to check my phone they could have shortcutted to the end as the trail map was up. Such an honest bunch.
We were blessed by Aunt Germimas decision to run. (I still owe you for missing your party and drunk texting you all night) Thumb-In-It escorted her (I forgot to tell you an amazing story that involves me, a girl, and your name, next time…)
The pack was out and immediately in a homeless encampment which just happened to be 1000 yards from any church, elementary school or daycare, so it was likely a sex offender homeless camp. Needless to say the pack felt right at home and some are planning on returning.
The trail started with a scenic tour of a pine forest which Swamp boxed and bypassed. Minimal shiggy with only one beer stop in the creek. (or two beer stops if you were running with NFN Kyla) Trail continued on through fields and woods and over mountains with lots of switchbacks (must have been a rookie hare). Through a construction zone. The hare was so athletic he jumped a fence, or just walked around the fence. There was about 100 yards of road which came in handy for Leaky who again came through with treasure and made his best Tony Hawk impression. If only he had found a hoverboard. That that you could use that on the creek "Unless you've got power!"
Trail turned out to be more like 7 miles, or 6 if your name is Swamp and the pack continued to roll in through dark. The hares were a bit nervous about "the party of 4" who decided to take a "ride on the reading railroad" through an industrial park. NFN John, who was their ring leader, dressed them all in bright ass yellow so as to make them more visible but then left his harem to drink beer. (there is a name to be had there)
The party of 4 contained the only virgin of the bunch (how do you know when a girl loses her virginity in Bartow county? She say's "get off me papaw, you're crush'n my Marlboroughs")
Circle was in the dark and contained a Scooby chorus. Rule 6's for lost and recovered items, and Boyginas proclamation of his hundreds of miles ran this year.
So, naming(s) happened, NFN Michelle, known for her fabulous hash attire and despite a Jaeger induced stupor some time back was named Sparkle-Tit's-McDrunky-Poo. This awesome naming resulted in an immediate inhalation of her down-down followed by tears, hacks, and coughs.
NFN Erik was put on the block but because he and Sparkle Tit's "are just really that good", and "never did anything bad in Illinois" his naming was tabled for further discussion. (although in a recent revelation it has come to my attention that at some point NFN Erik was 2-Legit-2-Quit wearing awesome pants?)
Next trail is a pub crawl so bring all your non athletic friends, I promise trail will only be 5 miles! (see math disclaimer above)
- Life's hard - it's harder when you're stupid.